Of all the things I thought I might be doing at this time in my life, I never would have thought I’d be trying to convince my brother to move in to my home in Nashville. Mostly because I don’t have a brother- or at least I didn’t for the first 20 something years of my life. After my sister died in 2007, her husband Brent, my brother-in-law, became simply my brother. But that’s exactly what I was doing this past weekend while my brother-in-law and I were honoring the fourth anniversary of my sister, Payton Farnell Graeber’s, death. I honestly can’t think of anyone I would have rather spent the weekend with than Brent. Sunday morning we went and bought artificial flowers to the cemetery where Payton is buried. Brent told me that at first when he used to bring flowers, he brought real flowers, but he couldn’t figure out why all the other flowers in the cemetery looked so much better than his. The trick it turns out, is to buy fake flowers because they withstand the elements so much better than real flowers. The things you learn after someone dies…
I really miss having a sister. I had a really good one! Just a little bit about Payton… She was the kind of person who was always genuinely happy for the accomplishments of her friends. She wasn’t the kind to become jealous or unkind if someone in her life had something she didn’t. She was really very special.
So much has changed for me in these past four years. I measure time in the before and after. Before Payton got sick and after. Before she died and after. Soon I will be the same age Payton was when she died. Then I’ll start to grow older than Payton ever was. How weird to be older than your big sister. How weird…
And yet, a lot of great things have happened in the four years since Payton died. I went to grad school and graduated. I have a new job that actually pays money- something I think the whole family doubted would ever happen for me (smile). It took about a month before I stopped tearing up every time I walked into work with my scrubs and ID. I just knew how proud Payton would have been of her working girl sister.
This first post to our new blog for the Little Team That Could is a little more somber than I anticipated, but hey- I am resolved this year to be a little more open and honest with how I am feeling. Perhaps that honesty can help someone else who is going through the process of grieving. Or the process of living.
I am honestly so excited about the race this year! I just got a call from the Caring for Carcinoid Foundation- they said last year we were the 3rd highest fundraising sports event for the Foundation!! How crazy is that, especially considering we were just a team of about 10 people who had never run before in our lives when we first got started!!?
This year is all about celebrating Payton’s life, and life in general! We have sooo many fun events planned and awesome training runs with fun surprises!! We will even have a video shortly (Our little team in a video- how neat)!!
To anyone thinking about joining the team this is what I would like to say to you… Go for it!! We have so much fun and it is such a powerful experience. This is my fourth year running either the half or full marathon. People look at me now and say, “of course you can run it, you’re so in shape.” Well guess what? I wasn’t when I first started running four years ago. I couldn’t run a full mile then. I am in shape because I took a leap of faith and started training. It paid off for me, and it can for you too!
I wish I could describe to you the feeling of crossing that finish line after your very first half-marathon. The Little Team That Could is by far the thing that I’m most proud of accomplishing in my life so far. And I’m so proud of all of you that have supported us! Thank you for reading!!
A special thanks this week to:
Penny and Sam Farnell
Matt and Paige Sandbank
Cassie McDonald
ET and Rosey
-y'all know all the awesome stuff you've done.
-Sarah
